So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize