is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
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is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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