I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
