My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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