UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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