the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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