Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
