i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
