well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
