Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
