I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
