Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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