I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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