i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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