i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
