I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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