well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
