Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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