Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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