He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
