I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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