You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
