I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
