Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
