i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
