If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
