What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
