Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Girls should come with a carfax report
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
