you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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