and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
