were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
