I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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