That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
