porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
