i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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