there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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