I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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