In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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