if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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