She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
