Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
