What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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