totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I need water and some morals
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
