woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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