Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
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Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
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you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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