why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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