I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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