Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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