Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Randomize
