and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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