it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So drunk its hurt
id be glad to
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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