Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
