Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
