Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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