There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
