No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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