all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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