I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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